I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
