hotel room ftw
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
