She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
