$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
