dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
