They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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