My first STD was from a foam party
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Enjoy the penises
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
