Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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