Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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