I have demons in me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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