he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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