Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
