Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
