last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
