Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
