This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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