I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
