I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
