I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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