I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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