I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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