if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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