You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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