i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
