I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
