i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think i got beer on your cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
