The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
