I accidentally had phone sex last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
