Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
