I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize