my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Olympian is in my bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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