Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
