Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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