You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
