the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
