so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
