I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
