You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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