I could make wine with my vomit
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
