the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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