the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my poor anus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
