he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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