All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
