If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
