I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
