dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I died a long time ago.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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