Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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