I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
