i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
