i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
