dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
