we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
