Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
