I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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