i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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