did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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