I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
