3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
