Sponge bath it is.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
