I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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