Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
