He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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