A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
