don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he thought i was a dude.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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