Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
