I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
