Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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