I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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