Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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