people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
