Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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