I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
soo... how was my night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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